the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I could make wine with my vomit
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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