im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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