singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
