I cut my penus on the lid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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