(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you had me at cake vodka
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
