she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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