some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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