we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
