I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you would pick up someone in the library
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
