She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
