i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
