i can't believe i had my finger in that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
