I was born with a shot glass in my hand
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
