Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're my little dorito
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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