Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
