loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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