Can i not drive my cunt home
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
