I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
as a side note pls kill me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
