remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
