and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
