Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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