Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
