I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
