Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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