All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
