i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
