Three words: puerto rican gang bang
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had sex on a roof
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
