True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
