brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
