I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
