I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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