Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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