I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
