Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
