:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
