How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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