what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
