arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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