So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
