You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
