Pants 0. Shit 1.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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