T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
