Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
