He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
