I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's get the cat blown out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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