I must be too annoying 4 u.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
