considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
