After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
