is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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