somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
