If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
