Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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