Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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